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Getting Married Young Stunted My Growth
Learning to be an adult in my 40’s is a crash course in life-building
After leaving my abusive marriage, I gradually realized I have anxious attachment issues in my relationships. For me, this means that I often feel I am not ‘enough’ without a man in my life.
It makes sense, considering I got married at 19, and my entire marriage was focused around my ex, his schooling, and then his career. I wasn’t able to build a strong, independent identity until now. My ex-husbands identity was wrapped up in his career, while my self-image was wrapped up in being his wife. Although I owned a flourishing business and earned two Master’s degrees, my self-worth was dependent upon his approval.
I felt I was the worthless, lazy wife, and he was the amazingly smart, kind man who deigned to stay married to me, a poor example of a human. Of course, most of my self-image was carefully crafted through years of his gaslighting, abuse, and control. This is precisely how he wanted me to feel as it made me compliant and controllable.
It’s been four years since I left my marriage, I am finally learning that I am smart, ambitious, funny, personable, and an exceptional leader. When it comes to relationships, however, I still struggle with feelings of abandonment, anxiety, and catastrophe. When I feel this way, I tend to…
