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My Husband Threatened My Ability to Have Children
One St. Patrick’s Day he took away my choices
Intimate partner abuse does not always look like it does on TV. It is not always people who have been drinking or who punch their spouse on Superbowl Sunday. It’s not confined to a lower socio-economic bracket. Abuse can be a quiet threat, as it was for me, a few years ago on March 17.
I got married young and the wedding was hastily planned, so it was assumed I was pregnant. When a friend’s mom asked me outright and I denied being pregnant, she made me promise I would finish college before having kids. I promised, and my husband heartily agreed. We had plans for our lives and didn’t want kids until we were ready.
On top of our decision, my in-laws frequently told me how children would disrupt our lives and we would be better off never having children. My mom helpfully pointed out that having me ruined her relationship with my dad. With encouragement like this, it was no hardship to put off kids until after college.
After college we delayed kids again for my husband to go to grad school. Then post-grad. Eventually we started enjoying the benefits of all his schooling. We bought a house and started decorating it with new furniture instead of hand-me-downs. Still no kids, and to be honest, I was ambivalent about the idea.
